I’ve recently discovered ‘flexing’. What is that, you ask? I’m not convinced that anyone really knows for sure but I can tell you I think it’s very amusing. Flexing, or maybe I should call it ‘flexin’, isn’t the thing that happens when you tense your muscles – well, it is the thing that happens when you tense your muscles, but that’s not the kind of flexin’ that I’m talking about. What I’m talking about translates to ‘showing off’; flaunting your material wealth and using this as a barometer to demonstrate to others how worthy you are as a person. It’s not a new concept and the term ‘flexin’ has been around for ages, but I should state that the cutting edge of culture (especially American culture) doesn’t reach me at the rock under which I live until way after the event, so if you already know what I’m talking about you’re probably thinking “Pfff, gurl where you been?”
Flexin’ is especially prolific in the realm of diabolical YouTube ‘hip hop’ (do yourself a favour and don’t do a search for YouTubers doing hip hop because watching one of those videos will take 20 minutes off your life and drastically increase your risk of contracting infectious diseases). These YouTube ‘musicians’ have absolutely no skill or creativity so they try to make their videos and songs good by talking about and showing off material wealth. It’s the ancient wisdom of ‘when true skill lacks, include a Lamborghini’. Totally legit, right? While I won’t watch those grim YouTube hip hop videos again (dear God, if there is a God, please don’t make me watch them again) this flexin’ is rife elsewhere on the internet too and after the initial horror wore off I was able to get much enjoyment from this fascinating behaviour. If you learn only one thing about me, let it be this: I don’t give a shit about material wealth. Showing off how much money you have is one of the most unattractive qualities there is in my opinion (that and arrogance, which, incidentally, goes hand-in-hand with this flexin’ thing). This attitude is so far removed from my reality and my perspective that it’s both mesmerising and… just… really funny. It’s funny because it’s all completely over the top – I mean, waving fans of money around? Diamonds in their gold fronts? More gyrating women than you could shake a stick at? It’s also mesmerising because these people seem to genuinely believe this material stuff makes them a better human and they are trying to convince you of this fact as well.
Let’s just pause for a second and consider how it is possible for an expensive watch to make you a funnier or nicer or more interesting person. Does a flashy car make you a better driver (especially when, as in these videos and photos on Instagram, that car has traction control, automatic gearbox, launch control, parking sensors, cruise control, sensors to keep you in your lane, and lights and windscreen wipers that turn on and off by themselves)? Of course it bloody doesn’t. If waving a fan of bank notes around attracts a herd of women (or men for that matter) and you think they are hanging around you for your personality, well, uhh… yeah.
I don’t understand why some people’s goals are to make as much money as possible. I mean, you’ll still be the same person as you already are, except surrounded by expensive things and people who want something from you. Do you like who you are right now? Because that’s who you’re still going to be tomorrow and the next day and when you win the lottery or make your millions or whatever fantasy you enjoy.
Ah damn, have I gone all philosophical again? This post was meant to be about laughing at flexin’. I can’t seem to go even five minutes without dragging some deep and meaningful message about life into the conversation by the earlobes.
Okay, okay, in flexin’s defence, showing off and being crass goes with the territory of the hip hop attitude which has been around forever. Historically I think this was partially serious but also tongue-in-cheek; the collective hip hop a sense of humour aimed at frightening the squares. So the modern MC at least has an excuse for flexin’ in his or her music videos. However, HOWEVER, if you’re not involved in that hip hop culture and you’re flexin’ all over social media and to your ‘friends’ or neighbours or whoever you’re trying to impress, that makes you… well, pretty much an arsehole, if we’re honest.
In the photo at the top there that’s me flexin’ on my way to target. Seeing as I’m not involved in hip hop (apart from being a fan) I guess that makes me… yeah, pretty much an arsehole.