Unhelpful Poetry

Valentine’s day is upon us and for many that means last-minute panic buying due to societal pressure, but FEAR NOT, I have your back. I’ve written some thoughtful poems for you to gift your special someone (you’re welcome). Don’t worry, there’s something in here for everyone. I was going to say be sure to credit me, but, on second thoughts, maybe don’t.

Traditional

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I know where you live
And I’m watching you

Romantic

Your eyes are like waterfalls
of lava in hell,
Your clothes have the scent
of a musty stairwell,

Your voice, it whispers
on a westerly breeze,
A strong hurricane
full of pointy debris,

I feel I’m in heaven
when I’m next to you,
If heaven were a wasps’ nest
in my favourite shoes,

Our love is so strong
’till death do us part,
Which I hope will be soon
as you deaden my heart.

Haiku

It’s Valentine’s Day
I forgot chocolates and flowers
Here’s a Greggs pasty

Limerick

There was once a husband called Dave
Who woke up and had a brain wave
On Valentine’s Day
Instead of bouquets
He’d get his wife something to clean with

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